Ask not what your country can do for you ...

These now immortalized words were spoken by President Kennedy during his famous inaugural speech. Yes, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. However, what if, you are not even given a fair chance to begin with by your own country? Many Malaysians face this dilemma. They work, toil and give their best - constantly planning on how they can best contribute to their beloved country. But in the end, they were told that they were not good enough, they were passed on for opportunities and made to feel like second class citizens.

Am I wrong to say so? When Malaysia cried out loud and reached out to her sons overseas to come back and serve, many highly qualified Malaysians went back and did just that. I, personally, know of a few who threw down everything and heeded the call. But what happened? They were only disappointed back home and regretted their decisions later. Bureaucracy, lack of meritocracy and transparency keep Malaysia being uncompetitive by any international standard. So, when Malaysia cries again, tell me ... yes, you tell me ... who will go back?

If you were to ask me what have my country done for me, I don't really know how to answer. When I was young, getting into a Malaysian boarding school on a government sponsorship was almost impossible for me as a low income, chinese boy with no connections. I took up the ASEAN scholarship and went to Singapore to do my high school. After I completed my A Levels, I applied to numerous scholarships, hoping to get one to venture overseas. However, I was told that I wasn't good enough because I didn't do my SPM and STPM. That was 1998, at the height of the Asian Financial Crisis. Persevering on, I took up a huge loan, packed my bags and headed to Carnegie Mellon. 3 tough winters at Pittsburgh taught me numerous lifelong lessons. I graduated in 2001 and stayed in the US to work. The reason being that I needed to work and repay my debt.

Now, fast forward 6 years. I have finally paid off my dues with a little savings left. At 29, I told myself that I can finally pursue what I want to do in life ... ask what I can do for my country. I quit my job in consulting and enroll at Harvard to do public admin. Many, yes, many people ask me why am I moving in a direction which many else try to get out - it is bureaucratic, political and messy. My answer remains the same. It is the passion to serve, the sense of belonging and pride to your nation.

Before starting my program at Harvard, I have been worrying again on how to pay for my 2-year program. It seems like dejavu. I looked at a few scholarships back in Malaysia, one of them being the new Yang DiPertuan Agong scholarship, which calls upon all Malaysians who have gotten entry into top universities to apply. I did just that, hoping my luck is better this time. However, it was the same story all over again. I didn't even get a chance to present my case in an interview and I didn't even know why my application was unsuccessful.

Malaysia always talks about how she wants to nurture her sons. There I was, standing over there, knocking at her door and she didn't even respond.
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2007/11/1/nation/19342620&sec=nation

Reading the news article, I asked myself, am I not good enough?
So, ask me again what I can do for my country ...

Change

You sat there pondering. The mentor was a person whom you admire. A person who taught you the skills to survive, to fight and to live. He trained you. He adored you. He prepared you for the ultimate battle. You always believe in him, trusting what he says, listening to what he preaches. But what happens when the mentor has lost his way? You felt indebted. You can't revolt. But you can't accept that change either. Do you forget all the gratitude and fight him? Or do you step aside out of the remnants of respect you still have for him and let him pass? Will you be incarcerated as that traitor who defies his master? or will you be remembered as the disciple who stop his wayward teacher?

The righteous paladin falls ... rise a dark knight?

So, I can't think of a title for this blog and I decided to borrow the new theme from WoW's Wrath of the Lich King. By the way I haven't wowed for months.

Ok. The past hectic week was over. I submitted all my problem sets for this week and I survived my Advanced Micro quiz last friday. Columbus weekend is coming and this will be a nice break, with no problem sets due next week except for Advanced Quant class. So glad.

The funny thing is my life is so academically revolved nowadays. Instead of worrying on project deadlines, I worry on problem sets ... hahah ... and to be honest, problem sets give me more jitters than when I was back in the workforce. Anyway, I had dinner with the Asian Pacific American Caucus today. A bunch of nice people and I look forward to meeting them again.

An update on my election campaign. The poll results came out today and I lost. Ahhhhh ... as much as I wanted to lament on my defeat, I am happy that I ran! Yes, I knew my odds were not high going into the race with 2 Americans. Both have very organized election teams (yes! we are talking about teams here ... teams of people who were serious enough to wear suits everyday the past week when they campaigned) while all I have is myself. One of them appeals to the Democrats and the other, Republicans in my school. And along came a kampung kid from Malaysia running against them. ;p My classmates were asking me, "Are you crazy?" No, not at all when I can make a bunch of people listen to my Malaysian english. Being a public speaker is about getting the message across and I knew I did. Unfortunately, I don't know enough people yet, or I have the clout to sway the voters over. Neither a Dem nor a Rep but always that boy willing to try. My key takeaway from this experience is friends. Within 1 week, I made so many new friends, whom would have taken me significantly longer time to meet. A cause well worth it.